A Trailblazers Funk

I'm in a little bit of a funk today.  One of those watch sad movies to get all the tears out funks.

I let go of a relationship I'd been holding onto.  I gave an ultimatum.  I got the answer or rather nonanswer I expected.  I have some mixed feelings.  A big part of me knows that it was the right thing to do.  Still another part of me wonders when I won't feel so alone.  

For most of my life, I felt like a bit of a trailblazer.  I wasn't afraid to be the first to jump.  I wasn't afraid to take on a new adventure.  I liked leading the charge, it was a role I was comfortable with.  I was the first to travel alone.  I was first to find an internship, a job, a husband.  Then I was first to get divorced.  

Then I stalled.  Everyone around me began to eclipse me. Weddings filled my calendar. Soon baby showers followed.  And stagnant I stayed. 

Don't get me wrong, my life is awesome.  I love my job and the career path I'm on.  I love where I live, the things I get to do and the people that fill my days.  But something is missing.  

I've come to a very important conclusion.  I love my life, but I am ready for more. I am ready to be loved.  I am ready to find someone to build a home and a family with. I am so ready.

But I can't control when love will find me.  So all I can do is remove any roadblocks in my way or take another route.  Someday, the right man will come walking into my life and all the heartache and waiting will all be worth it. Someday.

Until happily ever after, I'll just keep living happily ever Ashley!


Amanda Nicole said...

So glad you shared this. I was literally searching for a sad movie to watch when I started reading this. Perfect timing, very motivating! Thank you!

Suzy Garcia said...

You are such an awesome person and I know you will find what you are looking for! It was good seeing you this weekend and I look forward to coming and hanging out for a bit longer next time! :)


AJ said...

God, this post is so my life right now it just brought tears.... Thank you for sharing it.