I had an epiphany while I was recovering from a wine induced hangover that wasn't at all helped by my two week old cold. It's almost embarrassing that it took almost 28 years and a particularly wicked hangover to come to this realization.
We only get one life.
I know, I know, this doesn't seem like rocket science. But as I laid there on the couch, head aching, hacking up a lung, I wondered why I don't take better care of myself. Why don't I take vitamins everyday? Why don't I push my body to be in top physical shape- to be something I am proud of. Why don't I spend my time making the best possible life for myself? Why am I content with watching endless hours of TV every night? Why does cooking delicious, healthy food seem like a chore, but hitting a drive thru for food that is literally slowly killing me, seem like a viable alternative? Why don't I put myself first? Why am I wasting my money on things instead of experiences? Why am I so worried about finding someone to love me when I clearly have trouble truly loving myself? Why am I squandering this life that I am so blessed to have?
Moving to California wasn't just for a job. I was searching for a new life. I was searching for the me that got lost. And oh the soul searching I've done. Only recently did I decide that the chip I'd been carrying around on my shoulder named divorce was holding me back. It's so easy to blame all of my problem on something that happened years ago. I've certainly allowed myself to dwell on the the shitty hands life has dealt me, but failed to celebrate the blessings. I've been jealous of other women for having a seemingly perfect life. But I don't think their lives are any more perfect than mine, it's just how they chose to see it.
So from here on out, I'm done with the excuses and the complaints. I have one job to do everyday: Be Awesome!