6.03.2014

Adventures in Online Dating

Hello, my name is Ashley and I am an online dater.  Yes, it's true.  Why online you ask?  Well, I don't go out much and when I go out, it's usually to spend time with my friends.  I work two full time jobs- hence I don't go out much.  But even with my sometimes hectic schedule, I feel like I am ready to be in a relationship again.  I'm pretty much always attached to a computer or my phone, so online just seemed like the way to go.  Besides, you can only peruse the beer isle at the grocery store so many times on Friday after work.

This isn't my first online dating rodeo.  About 4 years ago, in an effort to learn how to date after 7 years with the same guy,  I decided to create a profile on plenty of fish.  I had the opportunity to go on some of the worst dates of my life, but it was definitely amusing.  I went out with a guy that magically transformed from a witty doctorate student into a whiny and spiteful child after I beat him in a friendly game of miniature golf.  I had sushi with a kind eyed man that told me all about the time his last girlfriend got charged with attempted murder after she tried to shoot him.  I met a Canadian that told me he was looking to marry a nice girl because he was illegally in the country selling flameless candles.  A very sweet guy took me to a fancy restaurant and had the chef prepare a custom 7-course meal for us- it was our first date and we ran out of things to talk about after course three. I met a few other guys, that were nice, but there was no chemistry and then finally, I met a guy that became my boyfriend, which lasted about 18 months.

A couple months ago, I decided to give online dating another shot.  This time, I decided to step up my game and actually pay for a membership to Match.com as well as post a profile on plenty of fish and to round out the trio, I'm on Tinder (mostly just to pass the time when I can't sleep.  There is something so entertaining about swiping left or right.).  Everyone says tinder and plenty of fish is where you go to find someone to sleep with and match is where you go to find a relationship. Well, so far, I can't say I am overly impressed with any of the sites.

During this, my second attempt at online dating, I have only actually gone out with one guy whom I met on POF.  This one guy spent 45 minutes telling me ghost stories after asking "So how do you feel about ghost stories", to which I answered, "uh, I'm pretty indifferent".  I guess I should have said I wasn't into them?

So why only one guy in the last few months?  Well,I guess it's because I find myself saying no a lot.  No, I don't want to send you "naughty pictures".  No, I don't want you to send me a picture of your penis or anything else that's phallic. No, I am not going to come hang out and drink a bottle or two of wine at your place- that's not a first date, that's an episode of Law and Order: SVU.  No, I don't want to hook up, especially after you just spent the last two hours slut shaming a mutual "friend".  No, I don't want to tell you my bra size or send you a picture of my cleavage. No, I'm not interested in supporting you and giving up my desire to have children because you don't want them.  These are all things I have actually had to say to men.

To be honest, they whole thing is leaving me pretty disappointed.  Disappointed in my apparent dating options.  Disappointed in the women that have encouraged this mentality. And disappointed, that apparently all I am in this online "dating" world is a set of boobs with a vagina attached.

What happened to asking a girl what she likes to do for fun (outside of the bedroom), or even what she does for a living.  What happened to being interested in people, not just sex.  I know there are a lot of people that have success with online dating (and hey for 18 months, I was one of them), but I am dying to know their secret.  What am I doing wrong?  Why are my modest but cute pictures and (what I think is a) witty profile only attracting this type of man?  Or have all the good men given up on online dating and if so, where did they go?  Someone please point me in that direction.

Well, since I already paid for 6 months on Match, I am going to continue to sift through an endless stream of shirtless bathroom pics and photos of guys posing with a tiger (seriously, where have all these tigers come from?) and stick it out for a while longer.  If nothing else it will give me more material to write about and maybe if I'm really lucky, it will bring me someone that is actually looking for a meaningful relationship.  Fingers crossed!

Have you tried online dating?  What has your experience been?  Please share it with me!

21 comments:

holli said...

I have a few girlfriends going thru the same thing right now. Hang in there- i do believe there are some good guys out there too that would like to meet a nice fun girl. Lots of sorting!!

Stories of Kel said...

I feel like online dating would be very enlightening and amusing. But hey! My brother met his wife online! So it can work!

Love, The Skinnys said...

I love online dating stories. I haven't ever tried it myself but I love hearing about my girlfriend's tinder adventures!

Love, The Skinnys said...

I love online dating stories. I haven't ever tried it myself but I love hearing about my girlfriend's tinder adventures!

Rebekah Clarke said...

I've heard that's really common in online dating - and extremely unfortunate!

Kasi said...

I haven't got to experience much online dating since I met my current boyfriend very early on. We actually met on beautifulpeople.com (I know, it's incredibly shallow) but I think the people on there aren't your typical creepers wanting to get some nude pics. Ironically enough, both of us joined that website in order to see if we would make the cut and just so happened to stumble onto one another.

Life with Amberly said...

The dating game really sucks! Online dating does make for lots of good stories though ;)

Christine Mondy said...

Lol, I love this. I have used Plenty Of Fish in the past as well and yeah, A LOT of them want naughty pics or to send you naughty pics. It just gets old. I met one guy on there, he was pretty nice but we just didn't click in person. After that, I gave up and tried Workplace Dating! ;) That is where I found my current (and hopefully last) boyfriend.

Miranda Myrabev said...

I met my bf of 7 years online but b4 I did I saw everything and anything that one woman should not see in a life time. Good luck with your search I am sure you will met someone whether online or off it.

Ashley Z. said...

You are brave! I think I'd be too scared to online date!

Logan Cantrell said...

I know a few people who have met online and ended up getting married. It can happen!

No Minivan Mom said...

I would be so fearful to date online, however props to you for giving it a shot!!

Discovery Street said...

my husband and I actually met on eharmony. Not sure where you live, but I felt like you did when I dated online in California...once I moved to Washington, well, that's where i met my husband and feel like the pool was much better.

Carly said...

I totally did online dating, it was definitely an adventure!

Starr Joy said...

You and I are on the same page, girl! I just started a series on my blog called 'the tinder diaries'. Honestly I think girls have such low standards these days that it's become the norm to put up with this douche behavior from men. I applaud you for setting standards and am hopeful that you find the man of your dreams because, you deserve it!

StarrJoy16.blogspot.com

Ashley said...

I met my husband through Eharmony. I never tried any of the other dating websites, but I did actually feel like I was matched with decent candidates after I adjusted my profile some. Hopefully you will be too!

Laura Toeniskoetter said...

Okay, so, if I ever had a "dirty little secret" post, this would be it in a nutshell. I always blow it off as just "fun", just to see what's out there - but I've never actually gone on a date from these profiles. Picky? Maybe. Or maybe I just have high standards.

Just keep going! It'll work out the way it's supposed to.

Laura
The Laura Way

Sarah Corradino said...

I met my husband online, okcupid! I had to weed through a lot of what you went through. But it was totally worth it! Stick to your morals and the right guy will come.

Nay said...

I was an online-dater for a year or so in my twenties. I met a guy that I dated for two years...I exclusively dated him and he, well, was screwing his ex-girlfriend most of the time. He told me he loved me on New Years Eve and took it back that March. Um, how do you take it back? Yeah...fun. But you know what? It wasn't all that bad. We had fun...and I think at the time, that's what I was looking for.

I know a lot of couples that have met online and have made it work! You go girl...but beware of a guy who wants to see you try on shoes. Um, trust me when I say that foot fetishy guys are WEIRD! But that's whole other story!

Ashley Anderson said...

long story short.. i dont know how I found your blog (guess that makes me kind of creepy/ maybe it was through ashley ziegler? ) but I laughed hysterically at this post. not because of your unluckyness in dating, but because of the things you've had to say to other men.

anyway..i think I might stick around. and since we have the same name, it keeps things interesting ;)

good luck on the dating sites! But if you find a man named Mike E. from Southern CA on POF.. run for the hills.. he's 'my father'

Bree said...

I swear I've heard more crazy stories about online dating then I should. I'm disappointed in our guys. Not gonna lie. They all need to grow up and take a class on "how to be a gentleman."

Wishing you luck! And so glad I'm out of the dating game. :D