I try to keep this little blog of mine happy whenever I can, but sometimes this place gets a little gritty. Sometimes, like today, I struggle with which parts of my life I should share. A big reason that I have been avoiding this place is because there is a big part of my life that I wouldn't call happy.
I've mentioned it before, my grandmother has Alzheimer's. And it's hard.
It's hard for my grandmother.
Its hard for her to not be able to express herself the way she once did.
It's hard for her to control her emotions.
It's hard for her to cope with the frustration that comes with the challenges of the every day.
It's hard for my grandfather.
It's hard for him to understand her.
It's hard for him to keep his patience when she is having a terrible day.
It's hard for him to manage both of their lives.
It's hard for my family.
It's hard to be around her on bad days.
It's hard to recognize her even on the good days.
It's hard to see who she's become.
It's hard for me.
It's hard to have things to say, but know she won't understand.
It's hard to take the unintentional outbursts.
It's hard for me to find the patience that love requires.
Some nights it's hard to sleep. Some days it's hard to concentrate. Sometimes I worry I am going to snap. Sometimes, its easy to pretend everything is fine and forget that life used to be different. Sometimes, I cry.
I try to remind myself that we all face hardships. There are so many people that have to cope with disease. And this isn't even my disease. I know someday this "hardship" will turn into a loss and that helps me to appreciate the good time I have with her and forgive the bad. Some bad is easier to let go of than the rest.
Its so easy to get bogged down by the negative, the unanswered questions, the fears and the mistakes. I think the silver lining to all this is that I have a greater appreciation for all the wonderful things that are going on in my life right now.
I feel so lucky to have incredibly supportive friends- most of which, if you had asked me 5 years ago who my support team would be, they wouldn't have been on the list. Life has a wonderful way of surprising you like that- bringing you the people you need at the times you need them most. Relationships with family members that once felt strained have developed into a strong bond. Also, I feel confident that I am where I am suppose to be.
I think it's okay for things to be hard. I think hard makes us stronger. I think hard makes us more vulnerable. I think hard makes us human.
So I've been neglecting this blog lately for a couple of reasons, and I thought I would share those reasons with you all today!
1. We launched our business!!
Yes, Your Jubilee has finally launched! My business partner, Meagan, and I have been diving head first into all the responsibility that come with running a business. Check out our brand new website, our services and our celebrations blog at www.yourjubilee.com! You can also find us on Facebook, Instagram, Pinterest and Twitter!
To get the website up we wanted some great photography, so Chrissy from Let Me See You Sparkle, quite possibly one of my favorite people in the whole world, did an amazing job! Here are a few of my favorite shots! We'll be posting more of our tablescapes on the Your Jubilee website soon!
Want to see behind the scenes of this photo shoot? Check out Chrissy's post here. We also used some fabulous banners from The Banner Shoppe (not seen above) and delicious Buntlets and Buntinit's from Nothing Bundt Cakes!
2. I've been seriously enjoying being back in Arizona and getting to know the local scene again. I swear we didn't have nearly as many awesome locally owned shops and restaurants when I left! Or maybe we did and my time in California made me appreciate the sense of community that comes with buying local and supporting small businesses. Well, since I enjoy "local love" so much, I decided to make it a new feature here on the blog. If you know of an awesome AZ restaurant or shop I should check out, let me know! You'll be able to find my AZ Local posts whenever you see this:
Anyway, that's just a little taste of what I have been up to! Have an exceptional day!
It's something I have always struggled with. I try to be everything to everyone. I juggle until there are so many balls in the air that the only thing to do throw them all really hard and hope I have enough time to sit down for minute.
I took some time this weekend to work on my balance. Working a full time job, plus launching a company, plus catering to a person with Alzheimer, plus maintaining a social life, plus trying to stick to a fitness routine, plus breathing, is a lot to take on all at once. We all juggle a lot in this life. This weekend I needed a "me" break.
I didn't read my emails. I didn't worry about the work piling up. I didn't pack my days full of activities (even though I complained a time or two of boredom).
I spent a whole day in bed. Bed days are the best days!
I downloaded some new music and spent time mentally decorating my next apartment.
I worked out a plan for my week that made time for workouts and socializing.
I stayed at the gym for 90 minutes and wasn't worried about the time. I felt great afterwards.
I washed my car (that's twice in the last two weeks- Probably a personal record).
I read a book for leisure.
I cooked dinner for my family.
I enjoyed the sunshine.
I wrote this blog post.
I did a little soul searching and realized that I need to work on being confident in who I am and what I do at the same time- usually it's one or the other. I need to get organized because if life goes the way I hope it will, things are only going to get busier. I think the key to all this is balance. If I can work more balance into every day, maybe I won't feel like I need to shut down every now and then. I think if I can learn to balance the "me" things with the rest of my life, the days won't seem so hurried.
The truth is, my life is pretty incredible right now. I am blessed to be doing work I love. Blessed to be able to give back to my family in a time of need. Blessed to have an incredible group of women to call friends and a family whose bonds are growing stronger, despite challenges. I keep getting that little tingling feeling that tells me I am right where I am suppose to be doing exactly what I am suppose to be doing.
So on this Tuesday, I challenge you to be balanced. Don't work your day away entirely for other people. Take a little time to celebrate glorious you. Go to the gym, read a book or take a bubble bath while being serenaded by your favorite singer. Don't get so overwhelmed with all the incredible things you have going for you that you mistake blessings for burdens.
Cheers to you! Happy Tuesday!